Life just improves significantly and becomes so much more enjoyable when you realise that your body isn't a thing you need to say sorry for or alter to comply with other people's standards, because you do not owe anyone anything when it comes to how you look.
You don’t owe anyone thinness.
You don’t owe anyone beauty.
You don’t owe anyone modesty.
You don’t owe anyone health.
You don’t owe anyone the right to an opinion on how you exist in your own body.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why your body is the way it is.
You don’t owe anyone an apology for being who you are.
You existing in your body is not a public spectacle. Your body is not a moral dilemma as something either ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ or a topic for debate. It isn’t something you have to explain or justify, no matter how it looks or how you care for it.
There is so much freedom to be found in just BEING without feeling a constant need to say ‘sorry’ for things that you know don’t require an apology but have been taught to apologise for anyway. I know that, especially as a woman, you can feel an obligation to apologise for things that are ridiculous, but out of politeness, sometimes fear of not being accepted, and I know I do it because I want to be the first to point out my insecurities before anyone can use them against me. But, as Blake Lively said in A Simple Favour, "Don't say you're sorry, you don't need to do that. You don't need to apologise, it's a fucked up female habit." And she was right. So much inner peace can come from living by your own rules and setting your own standards rather than adhering to other people’s as a woman. So what if your hip flab is poking out in a group photo, or you have acne, or your boobs are spilling out of a crop top, or you're the largest bridesmaid at a wedding or you're unhealthy or like to look after your body in ways other people find strange, those aren't things to apologise for and you've got to unlearn those behaviours and start learning to live boldly and unapologetically, because otherwise you end up stuck in this pathetic cycle of people pleasing and that only makes you miserable. And besides, all those people you want to fit in with? They literally don't care about the way your body looks.
There is nothing more beautiful than our true selves. There is nothing more freeing than to BE our true selves. There is nothing that will set your soul on fire and give you a burning excitement for life than being the person you were born to be. And when you are at peace with yourself on the inside, it radiates like sunbeams off your exterior, regardless of any physical features you possess.
Likewise, there is nothing more suffocating, more inhibiting, more pointless than hiding. Hiding who you are, not allowing yourself to shine, not being around people who make you feel like you CAN shine. It’s miserable, it’s painful and it isn’t what anyone deserves, which is a life bursting with enjoyment and unapologetic, unashamed, loud and proud self expression.
Of course, learning to stop apologising and to, instead, just be, isn't really something that comes overnight since you've probably spent your lifetime saying sorry for the way you are, but it's definitely a doable thing over time and it's something you can practise. Next time you find yourself going to apologise for something petty, stop yourself and question if you would expect someone else to apologise for such a thing, also ask yourself if you've either done anything wrong or hurt anybody in that situation, if the answer is no, pull back that apology. Also ask yourself if a man would ever apologise for being too loud, for existing too boisterously, for having a high opinion of himself or feeling content in his own skin.
Putting yourself out there, being bold, telling the world that you are YOU, whether they like it or not, is hard and scary, especially when there are often a lot of people out there who want to silence you or put you into a box. If you're a woman, that box is usually one of whiteness, thinness, politeness and femininity. But as soon as you start doing that, being yourself without giving a shit, you’ll feel life start to get a million times better. In every way. And you'll find you have so much more time to do what truly sets your heart alight with joy because you have more energy to pour into your passions that isn't being wasted on caring what other people think.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else's opinions are, never sacrifice your safety of course, but also never allow yourself to be shrunk down or silenced. In whatever ways you can, wherever you can, as often as you can, sprinkle a little bit of YOU everywhere you go. Some people won't like it, but you don't have to like them.
Putting yourself out there, being bold, telling the world that you are YOU, whether they like it or not, is hard and scary, especially when there are often a lot of people out there who want to silence you or put you into a box. If you're a woman, that box is usually one of whiteness, thinness, politeness and femininity. But as soon as you start doing that, being yourself without giving a shit, you’ll feel life start to get a million times better. In every way. And you'll find you have so much more time to do what truly sets your heart alight with joy because you have more energy to pour into your passions that isn't being wasted on caring what other people think.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else's opinions are, never sacrifice your safety of course, but also never allow yourself to be shrunk down or silenced. In whatever ways you can, wherever you can, as often as you can, sprinkle a little bit of YOU everywhere you go. Some people won't like it, but you don't have to like them.
“You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge. Apologise for mistakes. Apologise for unintentionally hurting someone profusely. But don't apologise for being who you are.”
Love, Emily
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